


and when i think of perfection

by thunderclouds



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Poly, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Falling In Love, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Sakura is a lesbian you cant change my mind, Shikamaru and chouji are so done with inos shit, comp het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-01-11 04:58:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18423303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderclouds/pseuds/thunderclouds
Summary: ino loves sakura, sakura (allegedly) does not love ino.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a thing,,wanted more pining lesbians and this lowkey is a bit of a vent lol cuz i identify a lot with sakura. n e ways please enjoy ill update this eventually i promise theres plot  
> the title is from ‘my heart goes bum bum bum’ by flatsound

“Maybe I just wasn't meant to be happy”

  
“Billboard Brow, shut up, I'm trying to watch Anakin cry”

  
Sakura Haruno lounged, back stretched like a cat across the old yellow coach. Her face was tipped upwards, eyes scanning the roof as if all the answers to her broken heart could be found in the popcorn ceiling of her best friends house.

In her left hand she loosely gripped a barrel of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Therapy (“no better cure for a broken heart” Ino had said smiling, dimples appearing) in her right hand she held her phone which was still open to her twitter where she had gotten the fateful dm that, in Sakura's eyes, had ruined everything forever and ever for the rest of time forever.

Her head rest in Ino Yamanaka’s lap, whos finger absentmindedly played with the ends of Sakura’s bright pink hair. The tv before them played out Star Wars--Revenge of the Sith. For a moment all that was heard was the swell of the soundtrack before Sakura let out a groan.

  
“Ino. I'm going to die alone.”

  
“No youre not”

  
“Doomed to a life of an empty heart, an eternity chasing bliss that I will never relish in. Alone, alone, alone.”

  
“You knew him for a week.”

  
“Nine days actually. And what an incredible nine days it was!”

  
Ino let out a sigh, hand scrubbing over her face before looking down at her friends face. Sakura’s eyes were still puffy from tears and her lips were hideously chapped. Scabs had started to grow in from where she had bit to hard whilst worrying her lips between her teeth. All in all Sakura was a pitiful mess Ino thought to herself.

  
“Ino.”

  
‘What is it Billboard Brow?”

  
A beat.

  
“Ino, what if he was the on-”

  
“Sakura, I swear to God. He broke up with you via twitter dm.”

  
“But--”

  
“That asshole used emojis in a break up text.”

  
Sakura’s brow furrowed. Her eyes tore from their unending gaze at the ceiling to focus on Ino. Her eyes were misty. Ino felt her heart twinge a bit at her friends hopeless expression. She always hated when this happened, when Sakura go swept up in her romantic idealized ways and ended up getting hurt. Sakura’s heart, Ino often said, was bigger than her fivehead.

  
“Listen, Sakura, I know you liked him, but he was kind of mean to you from the start. One of these days you’ll find a nice guy who actually is interested in you and who you like and you’ll kiss in the rain and ride off into the sunset together”

If Sakura noticed the bitterness laced into Ino’s voice she didn't show it, instead she look at Ino with those crystalline eyes of hers, bottom lip pouting just slightly.

  
“Promise, Ino Pig?”

  
Ino let out an exasperated groan as Sakura held up her pinky finger. Rolling her eyes she sighed deeply as she reached forward and hooked her pinky with Sakura’s. Her face was steady for a few moments before she let out a burst of air and fell into a deep laugh.

  
“I promise, Billboard Brow” Ino got a toothy grin in return, the first one she’d seen post breakup.

She loved that smile, and took comfort in the fact that they were a common occurrence with her best friend, who seemed alight with joy at all times.  
Sakura turned back to the tv, tuning back in to the Jedi fighting on screen. She didn't seem to notice that she had missed half the movie but then again she had seen it so many times her mind probably had just filled in the blanks.

  
It was in these moments that Ino let herself be selfish. She looked at Sakura as Sakura watched, enraptured by the ongoings onscreen. Ino re-memorized the slope of her nose, her cheekbones coloured a dusty pink, her feathery light eyelashes. She studied the dip of her cupids bow and the wondered how her strawberry chapstick might taste.

If she was an artist, Ino thought, the first and only thing she’d paint would be Sakura Haruno. She could write sonnets about the way her back curved, could write a ballad about the way her laugh felt. Ino could try a million times to create the perfect statue of Sakura but it’d never live up to the real deal for it could never speak. It could never rave about Star Wars, or whine about pretty boys. It could never lecture their friends about the dangers of nicotine whilst hitting a joint. A statue could never mumble a few words and set Ino’s world back on axis whilst simultaneously throwing her spiraling off kilter. Sakura was art in her own right. And Ino was no artist.

  
The movie finished up and, like everytime before and likely every time to come, Sakura cried at the finale. Much had changed in Sakura over the years of their friendship. Just not her hair-trigger tear ducts. Ino would make fun of her every time, poke her cheek and call her a crybaby, as Darth Vader screamed out in robotic anguish.

They cleaned up their mess of over buttered popcorn and empty ice cream pints, slowly returning the living room back to its usual orderly state. Ino walks her friend to the door watches as she slips on her shoes. Sakura put her jacket on, the red fabric sliding over toned arms before stretching across her broad shoulders as Ino blushed, averting her gaze to the vase of lilies that sat on the banister by the door. With a quick goodbye Sakura was out the door and Ino was alone again.

Everything was the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario kart and angst. Hinata is a gamer god because i said so. Fuck u.

The very worst thing that had ever happened to Ino came in the form of Sasuke Uchiha. With his shockingly dark hair and haunting eyes, there was truly no hope for Sakura the moment she laid her eyes on him. He, of course, was utterly uncaring towards the pinkettes obvious feelings for him. Despite this and the many many years of very platonic friendship all it took was a flutter of those damn eyelashes (where the hell did he get off with lashes like those? Ino thought bitterly to herself) and Sakura would be sent into a tailspin. Though the scribbling of ‘Mrs. Sakura Uchiha’ in school book margins had faded with time and friendship Sakura was still all heart. The emo dick had carved his name into her and it didn't seem like he was leaving. Ever.

It was of this blasted connection that Ino was so painfully reminded as she sipped angrily at her sake. In front of her sprawled across the Nara household living room floor were her closest and most trusted friends, friends that included Naruto, and, as if by some law of the universe, were Naruto Uzamaki went, Sasuke Uchiha was bound to follow. Bound to follow to Shikamaru’s velvet chaise used exclusively by Mrs. Nara, where he deftly laid himself out like some Greek fucking god. His stupidly perfect hair that would look ridiculous on anyone but him was startling against his stark white skin that was lit up in the multicoloured lights Shikamaru always insisted upon turning on whenever they got baked. As Ino stared at him her own feelings of insignificance grew. Which was to say, ridiculous, she was Ino motherfucking Yamanka. She didn’t GET insecure. But looking at Sasuke and watching as Sakura’s eyes would flit every other minute to his corner of the room she couldn’t help the bubble of self-hate that threatened to swallow her whole.

“Ino get the hell over here before Shikamaru finishes the rest of this goddamn weed!” Chouji called out from his place fit snuggly next to his boyfriend who, was in fact, taking an absolute monster of a rip from the bong. In retaliation, Shikamaru blew the entire chop into Choujis less than amused face.

Rolling her eyes at her boys she moved forward and wrapped her manicured hand (she’d long stopped pretending Sakura might ever feel the same way about her, hence the outrageous claws that donned her nails) loosely around the bong and plopped herself down next to Sakura. The girl immediately moved her head to Ino’s lap as soon as Ino had fully sat down. Ignoring the persistent hornets nest in her stomach (she refused to call them butterflies.) she shot Sakura a quick smirk.

“The party has barely started yet, Billboard-brow why the tired eyes.” She said as she moved to pack her bowl. Sakura stuck her tongue out in mock anger.

“Resting up for when I beat your sorry ass at Mario-Kart, Ino-Pig!”

“Please, I’ll believe it when I see it.” And with that she lit up and inhaled. She packed a bigger bowl than she usually did, so sue her, if she had to watch Sakura make puppy-dog eyes all night at the Uchiha, she wasn’t doing it sober that’s for damn sure.

The bong made its way around their friends, even Sasuke joining in after some goading from Naruto. After feeling blessedly less sober Ino returned to her sake as Chouji moved to set up Shikamaru’s PlayStation. Sakura reluctantly pushed herself off of Ino’s lap to go move over to the white board where their 11 names were written out in Tenten’s perfect writing. Neji, stubbornly sober, sat next to the board.

Neji was referee and kept people (namely Sakura, Kiba and Naruto) in line. “So who’s up first Tenten?” Sakura asked cracking her knuckles menacingly, _why was that so hot-_

“First up is Lee and Shino” Tenten spoke gesturing to the two boys to Sakura's visible disappointment. Ah, Ino thought as she took a good look at Lee, best to get him out of the way before he inevitably passes out. He was currently in stage 2 of Being Not Sober which, while less violent than stage 3, was also considerably louder. She felt a pang of sympathy for Shino as he glared down at the shag carpet he had twisted his fingers into through his sunglasses.

After hearing and fully registering what Tenten had said, Lee flew to his feet, catching himself from falling by smashing his hand onto the top of Shino’s head.

“AH HA HA!!!! THE RIVAL OF YOUTH BEGINS MY FRIEND!” Lee burst out fist coming to clench passionately at his chest. Shikamaru visibly cringed back and Ino felt herself let out a small chuckle. Maybe the evening could improve despite Sasuke's damnable presence.

“Please, Please for the love of God don’t break the controller this time, Lee.” Shikamaru drawled as he hesitantly handed the equipment to his friend, the same warning however was not repeated to Shino who delicately plucked the black plastic out of Shikamaru’s hand. Naruto let out a loud cheer.

“The fifth annual Nara Household Mario-Kart extravaganza begins!” He bellowed punching his fist in the air with enthusiasm that rivalled Lee. Ino’s eyes moved back to Sakura where she caught her grinning. In a swift motion she moved her fist up to her throat and slashed quickly across her throat with her outstretched thumb, eyes flashing dangerously. Ino bit back a groan. She was so fucked.

 

“Neji! That was a dirty move and you know! Call a penalty, you blind bastard!” Naruto called from the chaise he had pushed his way onto, much to the chagrin of one Sasuke Uchiha.

“It is alright Naruto, dearest friend! I will win no matter what moves my counterpart pulls!” Lee spoke out galavantly with what Ino swore were tears of passion clinging to his long eyelashes. Naruto let out a thunderous “Believe it”, as Sasuke moved to clutch his ears.

“Naruto…” Shino spoke quietly, eyes not leaving their place on the screen where his toad raced ahead in first place. “Am I…not close enough a friend to cheer on? Do you wish me to lose?” He said voice morose and positively soaked in melancholy. Ino shoved her face in Sakura’s shoulder to stop her giggles from erupting to loudly. Naruto gaped like a fish.

“W-what?” He screeched causing Sasuke to reposition his hands over his ears. Shino didn’t get a chance to answer as his kart sped over the finish line, ‘winner’ flashing across the screen. Kiba let out a howl that would make Akamaru proud and clapped a heavy hand over Shino’s back. Shino turned to Naruto.

“Am I a worthy friend to you yet, Naruto?” Shino asked but before Naruto could reply a loud snore rippled through the room. Several pairs of eyes turned to where Lee had fallen asleep upright with the controller still grasped loosely in his hands. Tenten let out a muffled laugh before turning to Neji.

“Down before the second match, you owe me ten bucks, sucker!” She snickered and held out her hand as Neji grumpily slapped a crisp bill into her palm. Sakura moved forward with a sigh, untangling her arm from Ino’s waist. And, no, Ino did not sigh as her best friends hand was pulled from its place on her exposed midriff shut up Shikamaru. She walked over to where Lee was sitting, lifting him up like he weighed nothing and continued onto the guest room that was down the hall. Ino’s eyes traced after Sakura, eyes cataloguing how her muscles moved beneath her skin, how she blew her hair out of her eyes with a puff of air squeezed forcefully from her mouth, how her cheeks were lit up the most gorgeous pink.

Ino blinked and cast her eyes downward toward her cup. Sake was safe to stare at, her best friend was not. Her eyes glanced up where she caught Chouji’s gaze. Damn, she thought as he raised a single eyebrow in question, not so sneaky this time huh Yamanaka?

The night moved on, and the teens anxiously awaited the most anticipated match of the night: Hinata v.s Sasuke. In all her years of playing Mario-Kart, no one's skill even came close to Hinata. The girl was a beast of a driver and had eyes faster than Sasuke, who from her knowledge, had been the very first to ever beat Chouji. Hinata and Sasuke were, as it currently stood, tied from all previous matches, with Sasuke having beat her at the previous showdown. The room had been divided in two. On Hinata’s side were Kiba and Shino, predictably as well as Neji ‘I won’t pick sides in your stupid video game’ Hyuga, Tenten, Chouji and Ino herself. On Sasuke’s side was Naruto, obviously, Sakura obviously, as well as Shikamaru. When the room was settled Tenten stood up, dragging Neji by the arm with her.

“Alright you two, I want a clean race. No biting, hissing, scratching, tickling or cheating of any kind.” and with that she plunked Neji back down before reclaiming her seat. The game had begun, and Ino swore she heard Hinata growl.

 

 

“Holy shit, Ino!” Sakura cried enunciating every syllable as they left Shikamaru’s house and began the short walk back to Ino’s. “I always forget how terrifying Hinata is when she plays Mario-Kart! She barely spoke at all tonight.” Ino grunted in agreement. Hinata playing MarioKart was a force unto itself, add someone who was an actual challenge for her to play against...Ino shivered.

“I will admit it was extremely satisfying to watch Sasuke get his ass handed to him.” Ino spoke, inwardly cursing herself for bringing him up, although he was bound to come up eventually. Sakura giggled, a light airy thing that made Ino’s chest feel tight with something inscrutable.

“You’re just mad he beat you!” she teased poking her finger into Ino’s cheek faster than Ino could duck away.

“Aw can it, Billboard brow, you’re just mad that I beat you, again~!” this time Ino was fast enough to dodge the fist that swung her way. Righting herself she gave Sakura a light push sending her foot into a stray puddle. Ino grinned toothily. “Whoops.”

“Ino-Pig!” Sakura shouted as she began to give chase, following closely behind Ino’s swinging blonde hair as she booked it as fast as she could, cackling with glee. Ino ran, pumping her arms as quickly as she could as her front door came into view. Almost there, she thought as her feet touched down on the perfectly manicured lawn. Suddenly Ino found herself on the ground, air knocked pleasantly from her lungs, and a familiar mess of pink lock covering her face.

“Did...did you just fucking tackle me, Haruno?” Ino seethed, though her voice lacked any true heat, perfectly content with how Sakura's body slotted so perfectly against hers. With a laugh, Sakura pulled herself up and off of Ino, before crashing on the lawn next to her chest rising and falling rapidly still from the chase. Her eyes caught Ino’s for a moment before glancing up at the sky when she let out a gasp of excitement. Her arm reached out and tapped Ino gently,

“Look,” she exclaimed, other hand pointed upwards, “stars!” Ino smiled, softly, more tender than she would allow to slip through in the light of day as she took in the sight of her best friend. Her lips parted just slightly, and a deep flush had laid claim to her entire face. Her eyes were light, widened in wonder as she gazed up at the stars.

Ino broke her eyes from Sakura to look up to where her hand was pointing. The sky was clearer than it had been all month, this summer unusually cloudy much to Ino’s dismay. Stars were spilled across the inky blackness, constellations becoming clearer the more she looked. For a moment, nothing but silence filled the air between the two girls.

“Hey, Ino?” Sakura asked, voice softer than it had been all night. Ino gave a grunt for her to continue.

“Do you think…” her voice trailed off in uncertainty.

“Spit it out, Billboard Brow.” Ino said impatiently, but not unkindly. Sakura huffed.

“Do you think Sasuke thinks I’m pretty?” She stumbled out. Ino closed her eyes and breathed deeply, hoping Sakura would read it as endeared annoyance and not for what it was-a desperate attempt not to cry.

“He would be an absolute idiot to think you were anything less than beautiful, Sakura.” She said honesty overtaking her usually sarcastic nature. She heard a sniff in Sakura’s direction but didn’t look over, granting Sakura privacy.

“Can I ask you something else? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to I’ve just been curious for a while cuz you neve—“

“Spit. It. Out.” Ino said steadily though her heartbeat clamoured in her ears.

“Why don’t you love Sasuke anymore?”

Shit.

Ino inhaled quietly, trying to quell the panic. She wants to say because he’s a boy, she wants to say because you laugh and my heart beats faster than should be possible, she wants to say because the hoodie you leant me sits on my pillow at night, because the way your eyes light up when you talk about Star Wars, because you make me feel like I am invincible whilst simultaneously making me feel so small I feel like you could squash me with your pinky, she wants to say because Sasuke is Sasuke and you are you.

“Because I got bored” is what she says and she’s never felt so ashamed.

 

They go to bed quietly that night, they change in the same room with Ino in the corner with her eyes squeezed shut like always, because she’s not like _that_. They go to bed quietly and even though Sakura is upset she still holds Ino’s hand as they fall asleep, just like always.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chouji and Shikamaru offer great counselling services and ino has a bad case of Internalized Lesbophobia

When Ino wakes, it’s to a splitting headache and an empty bed. She flounders for her phone at her bedside before her fingers find it and bring it close to her face. The 12:00 seemed to glare at her through her screen, as did the numerous messages from the InoShikaCho group chat. Electing to ignore the texts until she was actually awake and functioning she slid her legs out from under her covers and hesitantly set her feet down on the floor, ready to begin her search for coffee.  
Her quest was cut short however when she spotted a piece of paper tucked under a glass of water with two familiar looking pills placed carefully next to it. Taking the pills down with a swig of water she read the note, Sakura’s near impossible to read handwriting scratched across the page in red, loopy lettering.

Ino,  
Sorry for being so pushy last night, if you dont want to talk about it that’s okay. I have some studying to do so I had to take off. Text me, pig.  
I love you,  
Sakura

Ino’s cheeks burned. Tenderly she folded up the note and slipped it into the drawer of her bedside dresser. Sakura had nothing to apologize for, it was Ino who was lying and manipulative and was so clearly taking advantage of her best friend and—  
With a shake of her head she cleared the thoughts. Coffee, she needed coffee. Slipping on a pair of slippers and grabbing her silk violet robe of its hook she tentatively made her way to the kitchen.  
“Dad? Mom? Are either of you home right now?”  
Only silence responded. Beside the coffee maker was yet another note. Both of her parents had been called into the station, leaving Ino no choice but to wallow, alone, for the rest of the day.  
Slowly she got to work preparing her coffee, as her headache slowly cleared thanks to Sakura’s thoughtfulness. When she finished pouring just a tad bit of oat milk and precisely a teaspoon and a half of sugar to her coffee she moved to sit down on her coach, fuzzy blanket wrapped tightly around her. Ino let out a breath as she sipped her coffee. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all.  
Of course leave it to Shikamaru and Chouji to take that lovely idea and shit on it.   
“NO ONES HOME GO AWAY!” Ino yelled as the knocking at her door began  
“Open the damn door, Yamanaka!” She heard Chouji yell through the clamour of his persistent knocking.  
Muttering curses she slammed her cup down as hard as she dared on the coffee table, fashioned her blanket into a cape and moved to answer the door.  
The sight that greeted her at the other side of the oak was not an unusual sight. There, in all their stupid, loving glory were her boys. Try as she might she couldn’t dredge up any actual anger at them. Not that they needed to know that.  
“What.” She questioned through gritted teeth. Without answering, Shikamaru pushed passed her into the house muttering under his breath about early mornings and needing coffee. She watched him turn the corner into the kitchen before turning back onto Chouji.  
“Why are you two here. I’m tired.” She growled out. Chouji didn’t even have the decency to look even a tiny bit sheepish.  
“Nice to see you to Ino, and yes why thank you, I will come in, thanks for asking, you are such a dear friend.”  
With a defeated sigh she shut the door behind him and followed him up to her room, where Shikamaru had already settle in with—was that her coffee?! Bastard.

Once everyone was sitting on the bed, Ino’s coffee back in her hands where it belonged and Shikamaru placated with another cup of steaming coffee, she asked them again, little patience left in her.  
“How goes the being in love with your best friend front?” Chouji asked and Ino felt herself flinch.  
“You know, I really regret ever telling you about that.”  
“No you don’t, otherwise you wouldn’t have anyone to wax poetic about to how pretty her eyes are.” Shikamaru drawled out, looking up at her lazily from his coffee. Ino stuck her tounge out at him.  
“Seriously though, Ino, how you holding up? You were knocking back that sake like you wouldn’t live to see tomorrow.” Chouji said, his concern showing plainly on his face. Ino crumpled, how was she supposed to look at Chouji and lie when he gave her those damn eyes.  
“I’m...Last night was just rough you know? The way she looks at him…” she trailed off. There was no need to clarify who ‘him’ was. Chouji looked at her sympathetically, Shikamaru took another slurp of coffee. “And then, when we got back to my place…” she trailed off yet again, sucking her lower lip in between her teeth. Shikamaru lifted an eyebrow.  
“She asked me why I wasn’t in love with Sasuke anymore.” She relented, taking a sudden interest in her hands clasped in her lap. Shikamaru let out a low whistle, his boyfriend shifting to look at her more directly.  
“What did you tell her?” Chouji asked, delicately, more delicately than she deserved she was rotten, and bad and—  
“I told her I got bored.” She said, voice barely a whisper. Without even needing to look up she knew the look they were exchanging.  
“Bet that didn’t go over well.” Shikamaru stated plainly, but with. Quick glance up she saw that his eyes were soft. With a small, masochist laugh she agreed.  
“She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night but she left me water and painkillers with a note apologizing so I guess I’m forgiven.”  
“How do you feel about that?” At Chouji’s question she let out another laugh.  
“Jeez, Cho, what are you my therapist?” He levelled her with a hard stare, Shikamaru took another loud slurp. She sighed.  
“Okay we can talk about this for one more minute then you are making me French toast, deal?”  
“Yes, ma’am” Chouji agreed, throwing out a quick salute.  
“I just, I feel so gross lying to her but I feel gross not lying to her. The last thing she needs is some creepy friend who’s in love with her, the same friend who she’s shared a bed with since she was like 6, okay? And even if I didn’t tell her that, what else do I say? Hi, sorry, I’m a lesbian, I promise I haven’t been creeping on you.”  
There was moment of silence.  
“That’s stupid. You’re being stupid.” Shikamaru said. Ino pulled her knees up into her chest.  
“Yeah, well we can’t all be geniuses, Shika.” She said into her hands perched on her knees. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.  
“Well, I still have like, 15 more seconds before french toast time so now you gotta listen to me. You aren’t some creepy predator who’s obsessed with Sakura, you don’t steal locks of her hair, you would never do anything to make her uncomfortable, and, quite frankly even if you did pull any of that, Sakura would hit you so hard you wouldn’t even be able to walk straight. Besides, Sakura’s not an idiot, she knows that just cuz you’re gay doesn’t mean that you’re gonna pull anything on her.” Ino glared at him as he spoke, because damnit, of course he was right, but she didn’t need to be happy about it.  
“Whatever, I want breakfast.” She said brushing her hair off her shoulder and moving to stand up.  
“Ah, ah, ah! Not so fast, Ino. As chef I hereby call a group hug!” Before she could choke out a protest Chouji’s arms encircled her and Shikamaru. Knowing defeat when she saw it she let herself melt into the hug. Stars knew what she had done to deserve these boys in her life but who was she to question destiny?

 

On Monday, Ino arrived at school to find, miraculously, that things were more or less the same between her and Sakura. She had still brought a small bouquet of pink tulips, as her mother had suggested. In return she had been swept up in Sakuras ridiculously muscular arms. By second period, Sakura had shown Ino the boy she had matched with on Tinder, explained the date they would be going on Friday, and divulged exactly every possible thing that could go wrong. Ino played her part of best friend well. She asked the right questions, stalked the boys instagram, offered to play stake-out, normal best friend things. She even put her heart into most of it this time. All the feelings she had discussed with Shika and Cho had been carefully wrapped up and hidden back into the DO NOT OPEN section of her brain.  
She did not mention the uncanny resemblance between the Sakura’s newest crush and Sasuke. Just like always.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata discusses feelings, sakura realizes and then proceedes to unrealize
> 
> mild tw for mention of panic attacks nd theres some pretty obvious comp het at the end

Sakura sipped on her boba, the smell of the cafe pinching at her nose in a delightfully warm way. Outside the wind was sharp and cold, biting her cheeks till she was flushed pinker than her hair. To her left sat her Ino, just close enough that she could feel the heat of her skin through her t-shirt. The familiar electricity and holiness that Ino emulated left her feeling so much at ease than she had when she had last seen her, a whole three days ago. She let a surge of gratefulness for Hinata settle over her.

Hinata had texted their group chat yesterday night in a plea for advice in romance. It was a bit unexpected but nice that it seemed she had finally gotten over Naruto.

“So, Hinata, whos the mystery boy, huh?” Ino asked devilishly, leaning across the table and all but shattering Hinata's focus on pulling and dropping the pearls in her straw. With an extremely characteristic squeak, the raven-haired girl buried her face in her hands. Sakura rolled her eyes at Ino’s expected brashness.

“Take your time, Hinata, you don't even need to give us all the details.” Sakura spoke.

“Uh yeah she does”

“Shut UP, Ino-Pig!” Sakura's taunt was met with a raspberry blown directly in her face. Either tired with their antics or filled with courage Hinata spoke again.

“Do...do you think it's possible...to love two people at once?” she said timidly, index finger rubbing gently at the condensation on her cup, eyes focus on the white of the table. Ino and Sakura were quiet. When she heard Hinata was having boy troubles she didn’t think--

“DAMN HINATA, YOU DOG!! I NEVER TOOK YOU FOR SUCH A PLAYER” Ino yelled brassly, slamming her hand on the table, her face split in two with a wicked grin. Hinata squeaked again, face grew even redder.

“N-Not like that! I couldn’t-- I mean, I just, I mean...” Hinata trailed off, lip stuck between her teeth. Sakura felt as Ino drew in a sharp breath.

“I’m sorry, Hinata for making assumptions. Whatever you want to tell us, you can.”

“Ino’s right, you can trust us, Hinata, we won’t judge you.” Hinata looked up to the girls sitting in front of her.

“I’m in love with Kiba and Shino and I don’t know what to do.”

Sakura blinked, once, twice, brain whirring to process this information in her head. This was crazy? She didn’t even know you could do that? What should she sa--

“That’s literally the most adorable thing I have ever heard in my entire life, possibly ever.” Ino gushed leaning back over the table and stealing Hinata's hands from their grasp on the cup. Sakura looked over at Ino, then back at Hinata. How was Ino just, how did she grasp it so fast? Oh God, Hinata was looking at her, Sakura still hadn't said anything, oh my god Hinata probably thinks Sakura hates her, oh no _arethosetears_.

“How did this happen? How did you know? Uhm, uh...I love and support you so much im just, really, really confused.” Sakura blurted out as fast as she could. Hinata seemed to relax a bit, even letting out a soft chuckle. Sakura let out a bit of breath, at least she hadn’t offended her too bad.

“To be honest, Sakura, I don’t really know how it happened. It’s just, God, think about how you feel around Sasuke?” Sakura blushed but nodded, urging her to continue. She noticed Ino tense next to her, the discomfort from the last time they spoke about Sasuke likely getting to her.

“Well when I’m with them I feel like everything moves so fast, and things are brighter and more full of life, not in the s-scary anxious way im used to, but in a way that makes me feel safe. Being around them feels so good, I’m never really anxious or scared, because they get me, they know me. They make me wanna do crazy things, like, like, like singing in a crowded room, or screaming with joy, or dancing like no one but them is watching. I am in love and it feels so amazing.” Hinata speaks freely, possibly more words she said consecutively than Sakura had ever heard her say before. Hinata glances at Sakura.

“You know what I mean right?” Hinata asks expectantly. Sakura's stomach twists.

“Uh, yeah of course I do! Gosh, I’m so happy for you Hinata, this is amazing!” Sakura gushes. Hinata smiles warmly, before a crestfallen look crosses her eyes. Ino hums inquisitively.

“But?” Ino prompts, gently squeezing Hinata's hands. Hinata's lips turn down, her eyebrows knitting together.

“But...I don’t know if they feel the s-s-same and I’ve just, I’ve n-never been good at connecting with people you k-know?” Hinata’s jaw clenches and something in Sakura’s chest hurts.

“I don’t want to ruin everything over some, some s-s-stupid infatuation” she spits the last part out, hands pulling from Ino’s to wipe away tears before they even fell. The feeling coiled in Sakura’s chest has a name, and it is anger.

“Hinata Hyuuga, you listen to me right now. Those boys love you like nothing I’ve seen, maybe it's not the way you want, maybe it is. But don’t for one second believe that they would ever abandon you over something like this, ever.” The words fall from Sakura’s lips before she thinks them, every word laced with her special, Sakura Haruno style, fire and brimstone. Hinata looks at Sakura as she speaks, her too-big eyes analyzing every syllable.

“And, quite frankly, Hinata,you are a goddamn catch.” Hinata begins to open her mouth in protest.

“Let her finish Hyuuga!” Ino interrupts.

“You are smart, you are frankly hot as fuck, you have the most gorgeous hair, you’re killer on the PlayStation, you very nearly have your black belt. Most of all, Hinata, you are one of the kindest, softest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. So don’t for one second think that you aren’t worthy or whatever other bullshit you make up. You deserve to love and be loved. Even if it’s by two people. Even if one of them perpetually smells like wet dog and the other has pet cockroaches.”

Hinata sniffs.

“Can I hug you guys n-now?” she breathes out. Ino snorts.

“Duh.”

 

 

 

 

“That was...certainly unexpected.” Ino said to Sakura as they began their walk back to Sakura’s house. Sakura had, as usual, entwined her arm around Ino’s, causing their shoulders to bump softly as they walked.

“You can say that again. Hinata Hyuuga with two boyfriends.”

“I thought at first that it seemed a bit of an odd match up, but it's kind of, really adorable? Do you think she’ll tell them?” Sakura hummed, mulling it over. Hinata was shy and extremely timid by nature, but the way she talked about them...

“I hope so.” Sakura says,

“Yeah, me too.” Ino replies.

 

 

 

 

That night, as Sakura laid in bed, she thought about Hinata. She spoke about her feelings as if they were comfortable. As if the thought of love didn’t said a cold sweat down her spine. As if a hornets nest didn’t erupt in the pit of her stomach when those she loves look at her, speak to her. Sakura can feel the familiar grip on her lungs of panic _panic panicpanicpanicpanicpani_

And so she breathes in, she breathes out. She banishes Hinata's words from her mind, let's her nightly routine of imaging her life with Sasuke fill her mind instead. Thinks of how he might hold her hand, what dates he may take her on, thinks of how he might propose, plans and replans their wedding, things of how he would feel on top of her, thinks of the weight of him until her mind turns to static. Sakura sleeps.


End file.
